1. This excuse of making films only to enjoy the process sounds irresponsible.
Ans: You got me wrong. I am not making an excuse, I am saying that it is the only choice any filmmaker has whether he realizes it or not. Every one of the makers of the 120 or so films made in Bollywood every year think that they are making a film which will be a big hit. No one in the right mind will go ahead and make a film aiming it to be an average or a flop film. 95% of them will not reach their intended objective. When the audience sees the final film they imagine it has been done with carelessness and a non-thinking attitude but that would never be the case. A viewer is spending a couple of hours and around Rs.100- to buy a ticket. A maker is spending a year or more and crores of Rupees. He would never be irresponsible because he has much much more to loose than the viewer. It happens because it is an extremely difficult thing to match the mind-state of the Director, where he started from and the mind-state of the viewer when he enters the theatre. It is too complex and too long drawn out for me to explain here.
2. You yourself have raised your bar and that’s the burden you carry.
Ans: Maybe you are right but that is also the reason I became what I am.
3. I don’t want to read articles posted by fakes like you.
Ans: Ok.
4. I think watching Aag will be scarier than Phoonk.
Ans: Let’s make a deal. If you shut up about Aag, I swear on your mother that I won’t make another Aag.
5. I think you source your actors from theatre. Mohanlal is known, Chakri and the Contract guy are Telugu actors. Phoonk guy is a Kannada actor. I won’t even get into how you get your heroines. Did you select Fardeen Khan because he gave you money?
Ans: Yes sir, Yes sir, Yes sir, you are absolutely right about what all you wish to be right.
7. You spelt Nietzsche wrong.
Ands: That was a typing error. Thanks for the lesson anyway! Where do I send the cheque?
8. Why are you an atheist?
Ands: Because I can go ahead and commit as many sins as I want without getting scared.
9. Stick to making movies. Sexist jokes don’t make good comedy.
Ands: Ok, Ma’m.
10. Only if a Government committee regulates the sensationalisation of news the media scene will improve.
Ans: I disagree. If it’s regulated by a Govt body it will just breed corruption and censorship which will make the situation worse. At least now the least the media is doing is to entertain us. A Government body will destroy that too.
11. I think most celebrities have found solace with internet blogs.
Ans: Definitely. At least there’s one place where they can communicate to whoever is interested or concerned without being edited, quoted out of context or lines being highlighted which were not meant to be etc.
12. Seems like you have very good material for the media film. Please don’t screw it.
Ans: I won’t screw it. I will fuck it.
13. Why do you target only Khalid, Deepa and Subhash?
Ans: Read my blog again. I gave them just as examples because I know them only.
14. Invest in a good screenplay, good writer, good cinematographer and a good music director.
Ans: Please don’t give away such brilliant strokes of advice for free.
15. Stop manipulating things.
Ans: Ok, Your honour.
16. In films you are driven by techniques alone and fail and in blogs you are driven by analytical views, so they come out good.
Ans: Partly true for most part.
17. I want to know if the confidence you exhibit is real or fake?
Ans: Why don’t you imagine whatever makes you happy? Why know and spoil it for yourself?
18. I think Ayan Rand has seeped into your blood.
Ans: Yes, but the problem is that she doesn’t come out as sweet.
19. I request you to use all your witty humour in the media movie.
Ans: Of course. Do you think there is anything more funnier than the media?
20. This journo rushed to the village to tell her about her husband’s death so that he can capture her reaction.
Ans: Thanks KG. I appreciate this input. You gave me an idea for a scene.
21. A wise man learns from others mistakes. A practical man learns from his own mistakes.
Ans: Yes. That’s what sensible men do, but mostly men don’t realize that they have made a mistake as they don’t think with common sense and that is because there’s nothing common about common sense.
22. Does your psyche fascinate you?
Ans: Actually after reading your understanding of mine, yours fascinates me more.
23. By the way, when are you going to get married?
Ans: Among all the weirdo’s I interact with, you take the cake. If you can take time off from whatever you do (which I am sure would be nothing) and look for a girl for me I will. Otherwise get sensible and at least make an attempt to ask a little more reasonably relevant question.
24. Are you patriotic? Do you respect our country? Can we expect a patriotic film from you?
Ans: NO. NO. NO. I am pretty much immersed in my thinking of how to serve myself and don’t even spend a minute in thinking of serving anyone or anything else.
25. Have you ever thought of making something like Mackenna’s Gold?
Ans: Dying to.
26. Are there any movies that made you cry?
Ans: No, but there are plenty which made me laugh when they made others cry.
27. Please take care of your looks and dress when you come on TV.
Ans: Why? You want to marry me?
28. I have a feeling I won’t like Phoonk.
Ans: If you don’t you can find me in the Versova graveyard. Come there if you dare.
Ans: You got me wrong. I am not making an excuse, I am saying that it is the only choice any filmmaker has whether he realizes it or not. Every one of the makers of the 120 or so films made in Bollywood every year think that they are making a film which will be a big hit. No one in the right mind will go ahead and make a film aiming it to be an average or a flop film. 95% of them will not reach their intended objective. When the audience sees the final film they imagine it has been done with carelessness and a non-thinking attitude but that would never be the case. A viewer is spending a couple of hours and around Rs.100- to buy a ticket. A maker is spending a year or more and crores of Rupees. He would never be irresponsible because he has much much more to loose than the viewer. It happens because it is an extremely difficult thing to match the mind-state of the Director, where he started from and the mind-state of the viewer when he enters the theatre. It is too complex and too long drawn out for me to explain here.
2. You yourself have raised your bar and that’s the burden you carry.
Ans: Maybe you are right but that is also the reason I became what I am.
3. I don’t want to read articles posted by fakes like you.
Ans: Ok.
4. I think watching Aag will be scarier than Phoonk.
Ans: Let’s make a deal. If you shut up about Aag, I swear on your mother that I won’t make another Aag.
5. I think you source your actors from theatre. Mohanlal is known, Chakri and the Contract guy are Telugu actors. Phoonk guy is a Kannada actor. I won’t even get into how you get your heroines. Did you select Fardeen Khan because he gave you money?
Ans: Yes sir, Yes sir, Yes sir, you are absolutely right about what all you wish to be right.
7. You spelt Nietzsche wrong.
Ands: That was a typing error. Thanks for the lesson anyway! Where do I send the cheque?
8. Why are you an atheist?
Ands: Because I can go ahead and commit as many sins as I want without getting scared.
9. Stick to making movies. Sexist jokes don’t make good comedy.
Ands: Ok, Ma’m.
10. Only if a Government committee regulates the sensationalisation of news the media scene will improve.
Ans: I disagree. If it’s regulated by a Govt body it will just breed corruption and censorship which will make the situation worse. At least now the least the media is doing is to entertain us. A Government body will destroy that too.
11. I think most celebrities have found solace with internet blogs.
Ans: Definitely. At least there’s one place where they can communicate to whoever is interested or concerned without being edited, quoted out of context or lines being highlighted which were not meant to be etc.
12. Seems like you have very good material for the media film. Please don’t screw it.
Ans: I won’t screw it. I will fuck it.
13. Why do you target only Khalid, Deepa and Subhash?
Ans: Read my blog again. I gave them just as examples because I know them only.
14. Invest in a good screenplay, good writer, good cinematographer and a good music director.
Ans: Please don’t give away such brilliant strokes of advice for free.
15. Stop manipulating things.
Ans: Ok, Your honour.
16. In films you are driven by techniques alone and fail and in blogs you are driven by analytical views, so they come out good.
Ans: Partly true for most part.
17. I want to know if the confidence you exhibit is real or fake?
Ans: Why don’t you imagine whatever makes you happy? Why know and spoil it for yourself?
18. I think Ayan Rand has seeped into your blood.
Ans: Yes, but the problem is that she doesn’t come out as sweet.
19. I request you to use all your witty humour in the media movie.
Ans: Of course. Do you think there is anything more funnier than the media?
20. This journo rushed to the village to tell her about her husband’s death so that he can capture her reaction.
Ans: Thanks KG. I appreciate this input. You gave me an idea for a scene.
21. A wise man learns from others mistakes. A practical man learns from his own mistakes.
Ans: Yes. That’s what sensible men do, but mostly men don’t realize that they have made a mistake as they don’t think with common sense and that is because there’s nothing common about common sense.
22. Does your psyche fascinate you?
Ans: Actually after reading your understanding of mine, yours fascinates me more.
23. By the way, when are you going to get married?
Ans: Among all the weirdo’s I interact with, you take the cake. If you can take time off from whatever you do (which I am sure would be nothing) and look for a girl for me I will. Otherwise get sensible and at least make an attempt to ask a little more reasonably relevant question.
24. Are you patriotic? Do you respect our country? Can we expect a patriotic film from you?
Ans: NO. NO. NO. I am pretty much immersed in my thinking of how to serve myself and don’t even spend a minute in thinking of serving anyone or anything else.
25. Have you ever thought of making something like Mackenna’s Gold?
Ans: Dying to.
26. Are there any movies that made you cry?
Ans: No, but there are plenty which made me laugh when they made others cry.
27. Please take care of your looks and dress when you come on TV.
Ans: Why? You want to marry me?
28. I have a feeling I won’t like Phoonk.
Ans: If you don’t you can find me in the Versova graveyard. Come there if you dare.